I have been reading C. S. Lewis' Mere Christianity. It is a difficult book to read in the sense that you really have to think about each of his phrases, at times each of his words, and often revisit an entire chapter to be sure that you have the core of his argument. In one section of this work, Lewis states that he believes the very worst vice of all is pride. He is careful to say he does not mean self-respect, or being proud of one's family etc. Lewis very specifically defines the diabolical pride as delighting so much in yourself that you begin to look down upon others. He states pride is "competitive" in nature stating that "it is because I wanted to be the big noise at the party that I am so annoyed at someone else being the big noise." Have you ever felt like that?
He also describes it as "self-conceit" or the idea of being so enmeshed with your own thoughts, ideas, and activities that nothing else seems to matter. I think to explain this a bit more simply might be to say that it means "you are selfish." We often think of being selfish, in the world of those of us with preschoolers, as meaning that people don't share, or they get mad when someone has all the toys, or that one specific golden toy. But sometimes being selfish is so much more that we actually do not even realize we are selfish.
Being a parent has taught me just how selfish I am. For instance, just in my writing my thoughts on this blog, exercising my brain, reading a bit of a book I'm interested in, I am being selfish. Now, don't go crazy yet; hear me out. It is an activity that I am engaging in that really only benefits me in the family unit or at least occupies my time to the point that I am unable (or perhaps unwilling) to do anything else be it a speedy trip to the bathroom, dry the kids off after their bath, or break up a fight over which baby horse is Eliza's and which is Daisy's.
My point is not to dwell too much on the idea of this sort of self-absorption being bad. I don't think it always is. It becomes bad when we focus on it so much we ignore the plight of others, or we resent the fact that others do not allow us to do things we truly desire. We bear the television programs of Nick Jr. when really we want to watch something else. It is "our cross" we often hear people say. As if any of our burdens are even worthy of such a designation.
Strangely, in all this thought of pride, self-conceit, and self-absorption, I feel I have found the secret to contentment. A contentment I have never really known. Since I had kids I have always tried to make them and my wife my priority. But I have other distractions--work, academic interests, tv shows, bigfoot documentaries. You know, the normal things of life that get in our way.
On this particular vacation it would be very easy for me get in a bad way. On vacation you ask? Yes, due to the fact that I have usually approached in the world in how it can please me. Surprised? Having two small children with endless amounts of energy can be a bit overwhelming at times. It's easy for adults to think okay we will do that for the kids, but later that's MY time. I need MY time. I better had get MY time. I will suffer through THEIR time to get MY time.
Well I'm no saint. But this time I have tried and not been totally successful to do something different. I have tried to "go with the flow," do whatever others want, and actually try to be a servant--specifically to my wife and kids. Who cares if I watch my show, read my book, eat at a particular restaurant or whatever. What if I just immerse myself in my family and relax. In this crazy line of reasoning that seems so blatantly obvious to most, I have found the secret to a wonderful life.
When I try to satisfy myself, lots of things get in the way. When I try to live for others (in this case my family) the only thing that can get in the way is..........ME. Conversely, I have found that I feel more relaxed, less tense and actually am enjoying things I didn't think I would.
For instance, I get tired on the beach. Two hours max...I'm done. My family LOVES the beach. I have spent a lot of time on the beach and had the best time with my family. I have talked with my wife, watched my girls champion their fears of waves, learn to boogie board, build castles and memories. If it gets too late in the night, and I haven't had my TV time (which is important to me), I could get upset. But If I would rather hear my girls laugh as I help put them to bed or say their prayers it seems I am really not missing out on anything.
Again, I apologize that these insights are not dramatic to most. But to me they are world-altering. I love my family, but it is only when I really put myself as their servant that I really find that I have no interruptions, I have no distractions, or things that press in for my time. I have them. And in that I have my life. At the end of my life I don't want my kids to say "he was a good man." I want them to say "dang, I miss spending time with him. He was so interested in us." There is a different. You can be an upright, moral and good man and be very selfish. In fact it is easy to do. But I promise you the other way which I am trying to stumble through is so much better. Now off to help Kristen dry off those wild and crazy girls....
2 comments:
I tend to think of Lewis's "pride" more as vanity-feeling vain about one's accomplishments or attributes means looking down on other people. Anything that makes decide that other people are less than ourselves prohibits real empathy or compassion. And vanity comes from a word meaning "emptiness" (if memory serves); appropriate for without compassion we are empty. This fits with what you're saying-you felt the happiness that your family felt, which is empathy.
thanks for reading and commenting. Lewis is definitely writing on many levels. I like your understanding of his pride. :)
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